i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She even gives head with a lisp.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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