I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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