I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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