I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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