This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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