So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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