Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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