we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
