Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
