Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
