haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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