a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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