The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
