I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ketchup is God's man juice
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
