This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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