Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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