I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i've created a new STD.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
