Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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