You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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