your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
