i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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