my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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