mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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