i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
is it fun? or sober?
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