Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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