yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
