Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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