Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
