is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
