I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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