Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm like, not good at living.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
