all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm bleeding and have questions
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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