Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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