Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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