At least make sure they are 18
Why
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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