Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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