I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
