i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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