i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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