that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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