I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
