There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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