At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
