I want to have your abortion
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
