I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
