he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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