How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
