I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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