So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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