You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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