This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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