i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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