is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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