I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's Friday. Sex?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
