Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize