Soap is not a condiment
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
