The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize