he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My vagina is officially offended.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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