My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize