what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
