Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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