kristin has been a bad kristin
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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