I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
