its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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