My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
