We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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