Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
