i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
