my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
