i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
