I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
