when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
