I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
