The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
