Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
